Put the phone down; you don’t need to text your partner. Right now, you need to read this first. It’s the dreaded “N” word that makes us all cringe; needy. You would rather be caught in an acid washed bubble outfit than be accused of such. However, in this world, not wanting that label and not being it are two very different animals.
Nobody wants to get caught in the needy trap, but it happens more often than not. Why? Because the state of being needy is like cancer; it starts off slow and microscopic, and it’s often undetectable until it’s too late and it has already destroyed something in one’s life. If the problem is spotted early enough and the right corrections are made, almost anybody can go into remission. Denying it, however, will not help. All it takes is for one little seed to go undetected for too long, and one could lose a lot.
Most people don’t see themselves as emotionally dependent because that sounds like something only crazy people must worry about. Neediness, to any degree, moves beyond the line of what is considered “normal behavior”. Neediness, clinginess, and desperation are all the layman’s version of emotional dependency.
Here’s what it boils down to; emotional dependency comes from needing other people or external things to make one happy. “Emotional dependency is like a disease, says life coach Shelly Isfeld, who runs the MiWellness Center out of Vancouver, Canada, and it stems from low Emotional Intelligence. What happens in this disease is that an emotionally dependent individual will focus on things that give them fulfillment from the outside, rather than finding fulfillment within themselves.”
They rely on other people or things and they draw from that. – Shelly Isfeld, life coach
A brand new handbag will make one happy, but that happiness is fleeting. The same goes for obsessing over and texting every 30 seconds a loved one. However, when we hear the word emotional dependency, we picture some guy meandering through the casino in the middle of the night looking for the next blackjack table, or the mom who just got arrested for her fourth DUI when her carpool was pulled over with an open bottle in the vehicle, or the creepy old man on the park bench who stares at the third page of The Sun for just a little too long.
Are those situations examples of emotional dependency? Absolutely, but they are the extreme ones. They are what could happen to someone who’s nurturing the seeds of emotional dependency. Just because someone doesn’t fall into that category now, does not mean it can’t happen in future. Maybe it already has started. Alcohol, drugs, activities like shopping, food, money, a partner, can all be part of an emotionally dependent behavior. If there is a NEED to have these things to have a good day, this might be a sign.
Emotionally dependent behavior can be a turn-off for any relationship. But, what drive someone into being needy? Fear. Fear nobody will find worth in one’s personality. The fact is neediness is only curable by self-love. People who like themselves might have ups and downs but won’t need to be validated by someone else.
Taking the step of letting go of those fears might be a little scary at first, but after some time, life will be easier.